If our family had it's own game of Pit, it would contain only 3 hot commodities:
1. Coffee
2. Peanut Butter Panda Puffs
3. Tape
Wha? Huh? Not familiar with the classic Parker Bros. game of Pit? Well, let me and my friends at Wikipedia educate you:
Still not sure how it looks when played? Here.
The first family commodity is self-explanatory. Coffee. It needs little hype. If we have coffee in the house, the world keeps turning. If someone hogs it or we are out completely, I turn into that creepy girl from "The Ring". The sun is eclipsed, my hair gets greasy, I walk with an unnatural gait and I start pushing people into wells.
The second commodity is quite possibly the best cereal I've ever tasted in my life. Peanut Butter Panda Puffs. Discovered when Bella was 4, in our pantry ever since. Every person in our family loves it. It's a touch expensive, but it's GLUTEN FREE! None of us are gluten intolerant, mind you, but that's beside the point. It's also heavy on the environmentally-happy scale. We as a family, are Panda experts! I know all there is to know about their cuteness, habitats and the mean people trying to squash them into a gray blur of fuzz.
But the third item. The third item seems to be out or missing 364 days out of the year despite the fact that I buy it in bulk at Costco every week. Okay, that's an exaggeration. I've priced it out in bulk at Costco, but the simple fact is I can't justify buying the Scotch-brand (a.k.a. "Purple rich people's tape") when I know that my girls are going to do things with it like "tape up the Barbie to make her a mummy!". So...
- Tape is always on my grocery list. It's a staple like, "apples" or "milk".
- When I'm riding my bike and thinking deep thoughts, "We are out of tape," will pop into my head at least twice per ride.
- Daily, DAILY you can hear the phrase uttered, "Where's the TAPE?" with a little annoyed edge of emphasis on the last word.
And really, WHERE IS IT?
Yesterday I needed some tape. Each Friday when the girls bring home their school folders, I like to take the new week's spelling words and TAPE them next to their breakfast place-mats for easy memorization. I also like to tape my kids to their chairs in order to ENSURE the memorization process works. Kidding. I would never do that. It would be a waste of a precious commodity. Aren't you paying attention???!! But the "why" is not important. It's never important. It's really just the WHY NOT? As in why can't I use it when I want and/or need it? And of course the tape was missing.
"Where is the TAPE?" I asked aloud, to no one in particular. Again, it's the same voice I use when I ask, "Who drank all the COFFEE?!" Or "Who ate all the Peanut Butter Panda Puffs and left the EMPTY BOX in the PANTRY?!??!" It's a voice that my family has learned to hide from in silence. So I went on my daily process of elimination scavenger hunt for the 17 missing rolls of tape.
Come along. Let's take a tour, shall we? And let's start with where the tape is NOT.
It certainly wasn't in "the drawer" next to the chap-stick and the glue-sticks--which have their own story of mistaken identity and mayhem that will have to be covered a different day.
It wasn't in "the homework bin" where the girls have their own personal stash in order to not take MINE.
It wasn't at the top of the steps where there was something sinister going on with "Baby" that involved costume changes and torn up "to-do" lists.
It wasn't in Gabby's room...although to be fair, I wasn't really going to set foot in there to find out.
It wasn't in Bella's room. And I have to say that I suspected her all along. She got a new "American Girl" magazine with the following headline, "17 Crafts to make with tape". What??!?!? What kind of article is that? And seventeen?! I mean, I'll give you one or two, but seriously. 17? Thank you, American Girl. What's next month, "17 crafts to make with your mommy's earrings and coffee beans!"? But it really wasn't there. Bella's taken on a new obsession with a clean room--which I'd show you, but she made me promise no pictures.
It wasn't on "my side of the office" with a plethora of art supplies and anything else you might need for a sudden Armageddon.
Well this was baffling. UNTIL. I turned just a quarter turn to Aaron's side of the office and there it was. Two. TWO rolls of tape just lying by the wayside all sad and mildly dejected. Not even being USED! What does he need tape for? He's an engineer! I'd be surprised if he even knew HOW to use it...unless he read the March/April edition of American Girl magazine. This commodity is not really for all four of us. It's mainly a 3/4 family commodity. And to have 2 rolls, so haphazardly strewn about was just an insult to the 3 people in the family that NEED it.
I quickly scooped up the two rolls, put one in the girls homework bin. The other? I hid it in the empty coffee can, in the cabinet above the microwave. The same coffee can that I hide my chocolate. The good chocolate that friends give me and I refuse to share with the other savages in my family.
Is this what I've become? A grown woman who hides tape and chocolate in an empty coffee can from her family? Yes. And I'm perfectly fine with that. Feel free to stop on by for a cup of coffee or a bowl of Peanut Butter Panda Puffs. But if you come a knockin' for some tape, I will back away, closer to the microwave, guarding my precious stash and mumble something like, "I know we have some tape somewhere. You should check the drawer."
